Jokes and Amusings

This is one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in a while.
Someone out there is very clever......with not much to do...


DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM



PRESBYTERIAN:

When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER




ASTRONOMER:

When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER


DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT


THE EYES:

When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE





GEORGE BUSH:

When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE





THE MORSE CODE:

When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS




SLOT MACHINES:

When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME





ANIMOSITY:

When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY





ELECTION RESULTS:

When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT




SNOOZE ALARMS:

When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S



A DECIMAL POINT:

When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE




THE EARTHQUAKES:

When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE



ELEVEN PLUS TWO:

When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE



AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

A few funny quotes:-

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!

okay
here are some cheesy ones

what do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob

what do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Skip

what do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the oven?
Bernie

what do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your front porch?
Matt

what do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your mailbox?
Bill

what do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your wall?
Art

if your cat has kittens in the oven are they called biskits?

A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

if your cat has kittens in the oven are they called biskits?

I love that Tamm!!!

"I'm baffled by your orange penis " the doc told his patient. "Does anyone esle in your family have this condtion?" The concerned fellow said "NO". Do u handle any chemicals at work?" " I don't work". "Well what do you do all day then ?" said the doctor. "Watch porn and eat Wotsits "

yes Tamm very orange

hehehehehehe

Was in Asda the other day, full trolley. A little old ladt was behind me , she only had a pint of milk, I said " Is that all you got love " and she said "Yes" so I said "if I were you i'd f**k off cos i'm gonna be fooking ages "